Men
by mdseiran
Summary: Kazuha is an evil, evil woman. According to Heiji of course. Short, supposed to be humorous fic that I wrote over a year ago. Writing is a bit crappy, sorry.


Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
Summary: Kazuha is an evil, evil woman…according to Heiji.  
Notes: Short, one-shot sequel to "Women" that was written over a year ago (that's why it's crappy :). Supposed to be humorous?

Men…  
A DC Fanfic by Hibbah

Wednesday, 04/02:

I have decided to start a diary in which I can get rid of my intense frustration. And the reason I am frustrated would be because Kazuha is having lots of fun torturing me, and I am not allowed to do anything to her. So that leaves the idea of a diary.

I didn't think having her promise to keep her mouth shut about Kudo being Kudo would end up being so hard - on me. She appears to have no trouble with it whatsoever. And if I had thought that taking her shopping and out for lunch every once in a while would be enough to satisfy her...well, I was very wrong to think that. She loves making me do things she knows I hate, like take her to a romantic girly film, or waste my time accompanying her to one of those concerts, where she can scream and shout like the fangirl she is... At least here I can call her an AHO without having her in my face, threatening me to call 'Neechan. Life just isn't fair...

Oh, and did I mention the times she has the most fun are when we are in Tokyo? Because then she gets to torture both Kudo and me. Joy joy. Like last time we went, when she had us put on a show for her and 'Neechan's amusement. We ended up having to recite a poem, in english because "your english is so very good, Heiji!", that went like this:

Bloody men are like bloody buses -

You wait for about a year

And as soon as one approaches your stop

Two or three others appear.

You look at them flashing their indicators,

Offering you a ride.

You're trying to read the destinations,

You haven't much time to decide.

If you make a mistake, there's no turning back.

Jump off, and you'll stand there and gaze

While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by

And the minutes, the hours, the days.

Can you believe the nerve that woman has! Having men recite THAT? And in English too! Grrrr, sometimes I feel like turning her over my knee and spanking her. But she can see it in my face whenever I feel particularly murderous, and starts smirking at me, sticking her tongue out, and pretending to call 'Neechan. Of course, that all works to shut me up completely, and Kudo and I end up having to bear whatever she thows our way. It's just so damn UNFAIR!

Thursday, 19/02:

THIS IS IT! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! This is BLACKMAIL! That's ILLEGAL! And it's UNFAIR!

One day, I'm gonna wring her neck, I am. She's taking it too bloody far! Even if she has to keep her mouth shut about Kudo, she has no right to do all of this. I swear, she searches for the most embarrassing things to make us do... Anything as un-manly as possible. As long as our faces become beet-red, she's happy. That AHO thinks she can get away with stuff like making us sing karaoke in public! And Kudo's singing sucks too! This is enough, and I'm going to tell her. Right NOW.

Thursday, 19/02:

Umm, well, I did tell her it was enough. It...it didn't work. She...picked up the phone in the middle of our...discussion, and she called Neechan. She actually went and CALLED her... She got Occhan on the phone, and cheerfully asked for Neechan, and there was nothing I could do to stop her. So I ended up begging, promising to do whatever she wants me to do. I was afraid she was going to go through with it anyway, but when Neechan picked up the phone she just asked if they could get together tomorrow. I thought my heart would stop. Gods, what did I get myself into this time? Me and my stupid big mouth. I need to learn to keep it shut, dammit! If it hadn't been for me, Kazuha would've never found out about Kudo in the first place, and then we wouldn't be in this mess... Maybe I should discuss this with Kudo, see if we can come up with a plan... Because if we don't do something to stop her, we will end up cooking for her and Neechan tomorrow - Kazuha just informed me.

Friday, 27/2:

...Can I please find a murderer so I can kick the hell out of him? Please? Just to get my frustration out? Because if I don't, I'm afraid my head will explode soon. There's only so much embarrassment a guy can take, and I have surpassed my level of endurance for it. It is one thing to make us go shopping, sing, dance, and even cook, but it is quite another to deliberately insult just to see a poor guy's face turn beet red with shame. Like what Kazuha did to me today, in the presence of Neechan, and worse...Kudo.

This time Kudo and Neechan came to Osaka, and I thought things were going kinda well this time, not like usual. I was really trying hard to remmeber if Kazuha had said or done anything in the last few weeks that made me pissed off, and couldn't come up with a single thing, which was amazing in itself. My hard thinking caused me to miss a couple of things in their ongoing conversation, and I was jerked out of my brain-racking by the sound of Kazuha calling me as if I was deaf. And let me tell you, my ears /hurt/ from that... Anyway, I looked a bit dazed I suppose, because Neechan was looking at me in a funny way, and she asked me if I agreed to their plan. Of course, I had no idea what they were talking about, so I just went, "huh?". And Kazuha started smirking at me, an evil smirk, right before turning to Neechan and telling her never to mind my behaviour, I was suffering with PBS. Everyone looked confused for a moment, and I dared to ask her what on Earth she was talking about. That was my worst mistake ever. I will never forget the humiliation the answer gave me. She told them that PBS was short for...was short for...Pea Brain Syndrome. Apparently, that means my brain is as big as a pea. I'm sure my face was a rainbow of colours, because Kudo, blast him, was rolling over the floor, the bloody squirt. I am going to get my revenge for that some day. Neechan just look surprised for a while, and then started snickering. Neechan snickered. And Kazuha stood by with a smug grin on her face, and when I finally got my wits back together and opened my mouth to launch into a tirade, the AHO just raised her eyebrows and nodded towards Neechan, and I knew I couldn't SAY anything because if I did she would spill our cover!

I am going on a rampage. I want to growl and stomp my feet like a little kid, then go to her house and wring her neck. Only I can't wring her neck because she's here right now; I just heard her voice downstairs. She usually takes a while to arrive at my room, but I suppose I should wrap this up now. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't write this stuff down somewhere...

Friday, 27/2:

I think she found my diary, so I'm going to burn it...shit shit shit.


End file.
